"Some say not all witches are evil. But do you know what I say? I say: Burn 'em all!"
And so sayeth this TV spot for the upcoming movie: Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.
But I'd like to ask something here if I may. Does this mean that they're going to kill Samantha from Bewitched? And Glinda, the Good Witch of the South from The Wizard of Oz? And what about Elphaba from Wicked? She's only pretending to be wicked for incomprehensible reasons! Surely she doesn't deserve to die for that, now does she?
And are they going to kill Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer? They don't know what they're getting themselves into with this one! Buffy's going to be pissed and put them in a whole world of hurt for that!
And what about Harry Potter characters? Are they going to hunt down Hermoine Granger? Her parents are both Muggles, but will this stop Hansel & Gretel's misguided bloodlust? And what of all the others from the Harry Potter universe of characters? Will they only hunt the females? Because, um, isn't that sexist? (Or are jealous wizards producing this movie to smear witches? {I knew it!})
You know what? Maybe Hansel & Gretel are the ones who really killed Harry Potter's mom, and the truth was covered up by media bias against Voldemort! And this would explain why Voldemort is so mad: He's been smeared in the news media like Sirius Black was! But Voldemort has what it takes to take on the media establishment, and that's why he's considered such a threat!
(You know, right before the final battle in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2, Lord Voldemort stands on a hillside just across from Hogwarts and says to his minions: "They never learn." So then this whole thing was about education reform all along! So Voldemort was just concerned about falling test scores, so he looked into reforming education, but he got bashed and smeared by the Hogwarts teachers' union. He isn't evil after all: He just cares about children and education enough to fight for change, and so he gets demonized!)
