In an addendum to his new requirement that NYC hospitals provide only three days-worth of pain meds to patients, Mayor Bloomberg said that New York City drug dealers must now limit their addict customers to three days-worth of hard drugs or else face fines and penalties. “We know that illegal drugs are the life blood of this city, but surely we can be more responsible about them, right?” said hizzonah the mayor.
Drug Dealers are very appreciative of the mayor’s new hospital law, saying they expect lots more business thanks to limitations on legal pain meds, and for this reason, they will mostly try to obey the new strictures of illegal drugs distribution. “Hey, the mayor is trying to help us make more money, so we’re going to help him. Of course, maybe you’ll never know about it, but we’ll do all we can. So support your local drug dealer: Mayor Bloomberg is!” said the NYC drug dealer representative, wearing a balaclava.
Here’s the stoned story:
(BTW: This is obviously just a joke, but this new policy will probably really boost the illegal drug market, worsening countless drug habits and enriching drug cartels and organized crime. But what worries me most is the 80-year-old woman who has no insurance and breaks her hip, or the uninsured cancer patient, who can now only get three days-worth of pain relief: surely there must be an exception for them, yes? Otherwise, this is tantamount to torture. No, really; because how are they supposed to get back to the emergency room every three days? This isn’t a “gotcha” question, this is a real issue. And I doubt he has the legal right to tell doctors what to do in health issues anyway, but I guess he thinks he does: busybody.)
