Like I imagine most Americans are doing, I'm watching the NFL playoffs today. And in watching the game, I happened to hear the NFL's ridiculously draconian legal policy regarding game broadcasts. They say that no-one may give any accounts or descriptions of the game without the express written permission of the NFL ahead of time. And you know what that means, right? It means you're not allowed to discuss the games with anyone.
So I thought it might be fun for the NFL to illustrate this policy in the form of a TV ad spot. And if they were really being true to the actual letter of this unbelievably unrealistic and asinine policy, the ad would look something like this:
Two men at work meet at the water cooler in their office, and one says to the other: "Did you see the football game last night?" And the other guy says: "Yeah, it was great!" And just then, a bunch of massive football players in full pads, helmets, and uniforms smash into them, viciously tackling them and smearing them to the floor, destroying everything in the room around them in the process. Then the announcer says: "NFL broadcast policy explicitly states no-one may give any account or descriptions of the game without prior written consent from the NFL: This means you!"
(Yes, even saying of the game: "It was great" technically violates this policy, because although it's minimally descriptive, it is still a description of the game. And this is expressly forbidden by the NFL's silly policy. And they read this policy during the broadcast of every one of their games. And according to this repressively stringent NFL broadcast legal policy, we are, none of us, without exception, permitted to discuss, even amongst our closest friends and family, any aspect of an NFL football game, no matter how small, in any manner or to any degree whatsoever, without getting prior express written permission from the NFL. Now seriously, does that sound reasonable?)
