Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Moral of “The Avengers”

I watched The Avengers for the first time last week, and although I didn’t notice it initially, I believe I now understand the secret agenda of The Avengers. I realized it while watching The Colbert Report last night. You see, Stephen had on some global warming guy who is pragmatic about energy stuff, and he said the green energy technologies simply aren’t efficient enough to produce enough energy for our needs, and limiting our usage isn’t realistic either, so we must use natural gas and nuclear energy. And then it hit me: This is what the moral of the movie The Avengers is!

Seriously, think about it: What happens in The Avengers? Well, Tony Stark creates a self-sustaining energy source for his building, and it attracts Loki to use it to open a portal for invaders from another dimension to attack and conquer Earth. See? It’s trying to say that sustainable energy will destroy the Earth and humanity despite being well-meaning. (I’m pretty sure that’s what they were trying to say, right? Because that’s what the story does say, sort of. Because while they have superheroes in the movie to defeat the invaders, we don’t have them in our reality, and so how will we fight off the wrath of gods and alien invaders when they come through the new green energy technologies? {And they will come: oil industry spokespersons told me so! And why would they lie?})

But I think I know why Hollywood is trying to discredit alternative, self-sustaining energy sources: Yes, without our dirty energy stuff like oil and gas, how will they be able to blow up cars and trucks in huge fireballs in their movies? You can’t do that with windmills and solar panels and electric cars, can you? Of course you can’t! And that’s why Hollywood is trying to destroy green energy! (You know it’s true!)

(Just kidding! But you can read the movie that way if you want to: there is plenty of evidence for this thesis. {Yes: going to college taught me how to argue bullsh!t as truth.} Just think about it: the first self-sustaining energy source, and it nearly brings Earth to ruin? What else could it mean?)