Due to declining ratings and interest, and desperate for a hit show, Jeffrey Zucker at CNN has decided to fire Wolf Blitzer from The Situation Room and try hiring Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino to host instead. This change will hopefully raise the level of discourse and accuracy on CNN’s evening programming while attracting younger viewers for that all-important coveted youth advertising demographic. Plus, CNN feels that given the title of this news program, it’s simply misleading not to have it hosted by The Situation when it’s called “The Situation Room”. And really, that’s just obvious. (They’re lucky angry Jersey Shore fans didn’t sue them for false advertising long ago!)
The new show will have the news anchored from a set of a hot tub on the beach, with bikini-clad hotties and buff dudes with rock-hard abs galore adding colorful commentary in between beer bongs and Jell-O shots. The news will have the fun of Spring Break every day of your life! Who wouldn’t tune in for this kind of incisive news analysis and party atmosphere?
Let’s hope this new direction for CNN is every bit as successful for them as the rest of Jeffrey Zucker’s brilliant changes have been. He certainly made a big difference for NBC, so here’s hoping he can do the same thing for CNN!
