A judge has struck down the FDA’s age limit on the birth control pill Plan B, permitting girls of any age to get the pill. So if your toddler girl wants one, you can’t stop her. And if a baby girl wants one, ditto. In fact, due to this ruling, if you have a baby girl who is crying, you must ask her to see if she wants Plan B. You can start with other things, like: “Do you want your binky?”, “Do you want your blanket?”, “Do you want some milk?”, “Do you want something to eat?”, and finally, “Do you want Plan B?” And if she chooses Plan B, you have to give it to her, no matter what.
Oh, and if an invitro embryo wants one, so long as it’s a girl, you’ve got to let her have it too. And you might ask how that could happen, but I watch science fiction movies, and so we all know it’s just a matter of time before some zygote gets godlike psionic abilities, gets depressed that she’s all along in there, and wants to end it all. And now, she can. But, obviously she’ll have to make contact with a psychic to go chasing after her pregnant mother, saying that her unborn child wants the morning after pill. I only hope it’s not too late by then. (But this scenario might make a great ad for a product called Prenatal Prozac: if your early stage fetus is depressed, take Prenatal Prozac! Now that the morning after pill is available to girls of any age, Prenatal Prozac may be the only way to save your depressed fetus!)
Oh, but while this is just a silly joke on my part (I want Plan B available for all), there is a real commercial opportunity here. Candy companies could make a candy Plan B pill for little girls who stumble upon some news panel discussion about Plan B, and then want it, hearing that girls of all age can have it. And as such, it might be the only candy left for kids that doesn’t get attacked by the government for being sugary, since it’s better than giving little kids the morning after pill (although that’s totally legal {for now}).
Here’s the striking story:
