The entire Rutgers Basketball Team reportedly quit today in protest over the firing of their longtime coach, Mike Rice. Players said they only played basketball because they enjoy abuse and humiliation, and that they didn’t even like basketball. And now that they won’t get all the name-calling, bullying, physical abuse, and humiliation they joined the team for, they might as well just quit. Rutgers tried to save the situation by proposing the hiring of a dominatrix as the new basketball coach, but by then it was too late to save the program.
Rumors are flying that the team will now form a masochism group to replace the basketball program, and that the former players will use what they learned from their basketball coach to bully and abuse each other for fun. Maybe they will even be able to form a new competitive varisty college bullying league. And then maybe, just maybe, Coach Mike Rice will get his job back as coach; not of the basketball team, but of this new bullying and humiliation team.
But this news aside, this whole incident has been hard for Rutgers, so they have decided to spin it into a positive, by trying to act proud of it, hiring a PR company to develop new slogans for them, like:
Rutgers: Leading the way in college bullying!
and:
Mike Rice: He’s got the moves like jackass!
Here’s the story:
