I saw a British historical movie recently where they mentioned the famed Newgate Prison in London. Well, with obesity so prevalent in the news lately, that made me think of a joke penitentiary called “Nougat Prison”, and that could be where the tyrannical militant opponents of candy and sugar imprison people who want to eat candy to punish them. (The current climate of nutritionists and government people demonizing sugar and candy and sodas naturally brought this silly idea to mind.) And the exterior walls of Nougat Prison would be made of rock candy, with caramel as mortar, and the interior walls plastered with nougat throughout, with doors made of chocolate, all the bars made of candy canes (naturally) and maybe some Twizzlers, and with the entrance just big enough for a slightly overweight person to fit through; that way the longer the prisoners stayed at Nougat Prison, the more candy they would eat, and the bigger they’d get, such that they could never be released if they continued to eat candy because they would no longer fit through the gate. And in order to ever be freed from Nougat Prison, a prisoner would have to avoid eating sweets altogether so that they could lose weight. Oh, but sweets is all prisoners are ever fed in Nougat Prison! And, naturally, they would have all-you-can-eat candy at every meal (and snack time too!). That way everyone would get sick of eating candy, but they would still gain weight with nothing else to eat, and no exercise due to being locked up in prison cells, so they could never get out: a triple punishment to those with the effrontery to eat candy!
(In truth being fed only candy all the time, and being able to have all you could eat particularly, would make you sick of it pretty quickly. My father told me he worked in a chocolate factory as a teenager once as a summer job, and the policy at the factory was that workers there could eat all the chocolate they wanted for free while they were there, but that they weren’t allowed to take any home with them. Well, naturally the kids ate a bunch for the first few days, and then they got totally sick of it from binging on chocolate, and so after the first few days, they didn’t really even want it anymore. And so the policy worked like a charm! In fact, if the government wanted kids to eat less candy, maybe sending them to a place like Nougat Prison would be a great idea: make them eat too much candy by force, and they might just lose their taste for it forever! {But still keep them prisoner forever afterwards anyway just to punish them for ever eating candy! Mwa ha ha! That’ll learn ’em!})
