Wolf Blitzer explained today about how the remaining Boston Marathon
bombing suspect is being questioned by authorities, and if he doesn’t tell the
truth, he could be charged with perjury (!!!). Wow, he might be charged with perjury? Man, that’s a real criminal offense! I’ll bet a terrorist who killed
and maimed lots of innocent people would think twice before lying to
authorities if he might be charged with perjury! That might add a few months to his, um, I don’t
know, uh, maybe, death
sentence?
I joked earlier today about how CNN was going to fire Wolf
Blitzer and replace him with The Situation from Jersey Shore, but now I’m not so sure that’s such a bad idea. CNN
has been spending most of their time over the past few days repeatedly showing
lots of innocent-looking childhood pictures of this (alleged) terrorist
murderer over and over again, as if what he looked like as a child makes any
difference to what he (allegedly) did! And they also had Alan Dershowitz on
today to say that this guy really has a lot going for him, because he’s young and
good-looking, and that bodes well for his trial.
So, thanks, CNN, for showing every cute wannabe murderer and
terrorist that they can get famous and a loyal following in no time by just
going on a killing spree or committing a terrorist attack, so long as they
aren’t fugly. Can’t sing like Justin Bieber? No problem! Just do a spree
shooting or a terrorist attack, and everyone will celebrate you and make you an
overnight sensation! Just don’t forget to thank CNN. (Remember, you can get away with murder and be celebrated,
but no fatties! Want to be the next Jodi Arias? Just stab someone lots of times, and if you're hot, CNN will make you famous!)
