President Obama referred to “the full weight of Justice” in a speech about the Boston Marathon bombing attack yesterday. So, um, is the president saying Lady Justice is fat? Is that why the full weight of Justice is so fearsome? That just seems kind of rude to talk about her like that. I guess now we can understand why Justice wears a blindfold: so she can’t see how fat she looks in the mirror! (And so she can’t compare herself unfavorably to others.) Man, with all of the skinny models and the body image perception issues of ‘thin being in’ targeting women and girls and pressuring them into eating disorders to attain unrealistic body types, along with the continual slandering of overweight people by the health bullies in their hysteria over the obesity epidemic, if Justice saw herself in the mirror, she might think everyone was talking about her when they tongue-lashed the overweight; and then she might just make use of that broadsword she’s always holding. (Yikes! I wouldn’t want to be a fashion editor or a health bully when that happens!)
Oh, but if Justice is actually overweight, it makes sense why people are always talking about Justice being “served”: they’re talking about food! She’s constantly being served plates and dishes and courses and meals and desserts! Anyone would be fat if they had to eat that much! Plus, since she’s Justice, she doesn’t want to be unfair to anyone, so she feels like she has to eat everything she’s served, just so she doesn’t appear to be favoring or slighting anyone. And since she’s blindfolded, she can’t see all the stuff on the plates she’s being served, so she doesn’t know how much food she’s given, so she can’t tell when it’s too much. You know, maybe this is the problem here: We’re always forcing Justice to be served when she’s blindfolded! Who can tell whether they’re eating too much if they can’t even see what they’re being served, and they always feel like they have to eat it all each and every time? (But I guess now I understand the sword better: so she can cut her food and eat it more easily. {It’s like a really big all-in-one utensil, sort of like the predecessor of the spork. A spork might work better, but it looks a lot less classy for a lady’s fashion accessory. Although if potential criminals saw Justice with a spork, they might think she’d eat them if they got caught, and it could work as an effective crime deterrent.})
