Following on the
heels of Nelson Mandela’s passing, Bono seems to have made himself the personal
spokesman for humanity. He also pops up from time to time to talk about what
the world needs, and he seems like a well-intentioned, nice man. But he’s a
rock star, and as such, how come he’s the rock star who gets
to talk about all this humanitarian stuff? What about giving some other rock
star a chance, like maybe Ozzy, instead of hogging it all for himself?
Why can’t we have
a revolving door cast of rock greats to be spokesmen for humanity? Like maybe
Blackie Lawless from W.A.S.P. (He could say: “Hey, I may f*ck like a beast, but
that doesn’t mean I don’t care about world peace.”), or the guys from Deicide.
Or how about Dave Mustaine from Megadeth? (Oh, what, just because they can’t
spell ‘death’ right? Well, that’s just because they’re pro-life! I mean, in
favor of people living, that is…) And how about Weird Al Yankovich? (Oh, just because
he’s weird he doesn’t get to do it? That’s prejudicial!) And why not the guys
from the band GWAR? Can’t they talk about world peace and humanitarian stuff
too? They can’t help the way they look. Or how about the guys from Slipknot? Or
how about Marilyn Manson in his fascist costume? Perhaps we could get an even
better result with these guys scaring everyone into caring, rather than having
a super-rich megastar showing off his ridiculously expensive fashions and
sunglasses while talking about poverty.
In fact, if we’re
talking about poverty, the more I think about this, the more I think one-hit
wonders would make better spokesmen for stuff like that, because after all,
they know a hell of a lot more about what it’s like to be poor than U2: one of
the most consistently successful bands of all time.
