Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Bono: A Rock Star Speaks for Humanity

Following on the heels of Nelson Mandela’s passing, Bono seems to have made himself the personal spokesman for humanity. He also pops up from time to time to talk about what the world needs, and he seems like a well-intentioned, nice man. But he’s a rock star, and as such, how come he’s the rock star who gets to talk about all this humanitarian stuff? What about giving some other rock star a chance, like maybe Ozzy, instead of hogging it all for himself?

Why can’t we have a revolving door cast of rock greats to be spokesmen for humanity? Like maybe Blackie Lawless from W.A.S.P. (He could say: “Hey, I may f*ck like a beast, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about world peace.”), or the guys from Deicide. Or how about Dave Mustaine from Megadeth? (Oh, what, just because they can’t spell ‘death’ right? Well, that’s just because they’re pro-life! I mean, in favor of people living, that is…) And how about Weird Al Yankovich? (Oh, just because he’s weird he doesn’t get to do it? That’s prejudicial!) And why not the guys from the band GWAR? Can’t they talk about world peace and humanitarian stuff too? They can’t help the way they look. Or how about the guys from Slipknot? Or how about Marilyn Manson in his fascist costume? Perhaps we could get an even better result with these guys scaring everyone into caring, rather than having a super-rich megastar showing off his ridiculously expensive fashions and sunglasses while talking about poverty.

In fact, if we’re talking about poverty, the more I think about this, the more I think one-hit wonders would make better spokesmen for stuff like that, because after all, they know a hell of a lot more about what it’s like to be poor than U2: one of the most consistently successful bands of all time.