Every year those deceitful military propagandists show the Norad "Santa Tracker", where Santa's sleigh is tracked across the sky like an enemy combatant. But we all know Santa Claus delivers presents all over the whole world in one single night, and as such is way too fast to track on radar. Even a SR-71 Blackbird couldn't begin to keep up with Santa Claus!
But maybe they do this whole thing to give us a false sense of security about Norad's capabilities, as the real Santa Claus likely makes their entire system go haywire for a few short hours, showing crazy, blurred activity everywhere practically simultaneously. And you know this leaves us extremely vulnerable to attack from a rogue nation with a dirty bomb in a Santa sleigh. But that's the thing: if we can track it, it's not really Santa Claus: it's a sneak attack from a rogue nation, so hit it with the Strategic Defense Initiative! (Yes, SDI works now. That was the Pentagon's Christmas wish. Don't say we didn't warn you fake Santas!)
