We all know about
Count Chocula, Frankenberry and Boo Berry, but those cereals are all based on
old horror movie tropes that aren’t scary anymore and are a bit outdated. Kids
are totally bored with that stuff, man! So how about a more up-to-date horror
movie cereal, like maybe a slasher movie cereal?
That’s right,
it’s time for Serial Killer Cereal, made from frosted oat body parts with
marshmallow hockey masks, carving knives, meat cleavers, chainsaws, scythes and
machetes (a.k.a.: fortified with iron), all splattered with a gooey red
raspberry-flavored frosting that makes the milk turn all bloody: Yummy, yummy!
That’s Serial
Killer Cereal: Your naughty teens will be dying for it! (But
not your nice, good girl daughter: she will survive.)
Oh, and to
advertise this cereal, there should be a Cereal Killer character, and in the
ads, he stalks and kills other cereal mascot characters, like the leprechaun
from Lucky Charms, Snap, Crackle and Pop from Rice Crispies, the rabbit from Trix,
the cuckoo from Cocoa Puffs, Toucan Sam from Froot Loops, that honey bee from
Honey Nut Cheerios, Fred Flinstone and Barney Rubble from Fruity Pebbles and
Cocoa Pebbles, the Quaker from Quaker products (he should be the easiest, being
an elderly pacifist), and even Tony the Tiger from Frosted Flakes. (These ads could become quite popular with health food advocates despite Serial Killer Cereal
also being a sugared cereal, because at least those characters are getting
their just desserts for shilling their sugary junk food to kids for the most
important meal of the day and making them all obese!)
Of course Count
Chocula, Frankenberry and the Boo Berry ghost are all undead characters, so the
Cereal Killer can’t very well kill them. Plus, they’re all horror-themed cereals,
so they work together to terrorize and victimize humanity (of course).
