As we know, the movie Frozen ends with our troubled ice queen Elsa releasing her anger and embracing love, which thaws out all the frozen stuff. Which of course makes her solely to blame for global warming. So, naturally, in Frozen 2: Climate Crisis, a panicked populace, in the wake of devastating climate change throughout the world due to the melted Arctic region (thanks to former Ice Queen Elsa), must try to reawaken Elsa's fear and loathing in order to get her to freeze everything again and save the planet! (And they can't kill her, or else winter will be gone forever!) Oh, but Elsa is not so easily manipulated nor fooled, and so she responds by removing the cold even further. And so, with Elsa's heart frozen and the globe a heating, melting ball of mass panic, one heroic Prince Charming character must find a way to melt her heart and get her to bring back the cold to the polar region, saving the world! It's all the drama and pathos you can take, as well as lots of Broadway-style show tunes to warm your heart; it's Frozen 2: Climate Crisis, coming soon to a theater near you!
Then, if this is a big hit too, each sequel can continue to beat us over the head with climate change propaganda, like Frozen 3: Defrosted. In this installment, our heroic ice queen Elsa loses her cryokinetic freezing powers, immediately and dramatically heating up the globe, causing worldwide panic and devastation. And so Elsa must team up with her Prince Charming-type character from Frozen 2 (and her sister and her boyfriend, but not the comedy relief snowman: sorry, he melted to show us how serious climate change is) to find out who is responsible and defeat them. And, naturally, it ends up being some evil queen/fire dragon character (like Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty, but with a Heat Miser twist) who has used black magic to steal Elsa's cryokinesis so she can turn the world into a furnace-like wasteland similar to Mordor in The Lord of the Rings. So our ragtag group of stalwart heroes must find a way to defeat the evil, recover Elsa's cryokinetic frusen gladje, refreeze the Arctic, stabilize global temperatures, defeat climate change, and save the day yet again!
And of course these movies will present plenty of opportunity for product placement from companies who want to reverse their image of being to blame for climate change, so maybe oil companies will help Elsa by developing some space-age plastic shield as a protection against evil magic, coal companies will provide her with a smog shield/weapon behind which she can conceal herself to fight the dragon, airlines will help her and her gang travel around the globe, etc. And then all our kids will learn that these industries are really the good guys!
(Just kidding. But there will likely be a Frozen 2 with some retread plot line pretty soon.)
