Super Bowl Backup Plan?

Apparently it’s not looking good for the NFL’s decision to hold the 2014 Super Bowl at the Meadowlands. (Not enough global warming? Maybe it’s part of some oil company plot to trick us? I knew it!) But don’t fret, there will still be a sporting event no matter what! And if football is not possible, I understand we’ll have hockey instead. And figure skating. And skiing. But not just any hockey and figure skating and skiing, but football players playing hockey and figure skating and skiing for all of us for the first time! (Imagine the frusenglädjéschadenfreude for American audiences! {Of course Frusen Glädjé comes from the ice cream brand Häagen-Dazs tried to destroy in the 1980s with some bogus branding lawsuit, allegedly. Or so I have read, anyway. But they survived to create Freezer Burn, the hot new ice cream sensation (with Icy Hot in it, so it warms your tongue with hot sexy sensations!), and Absolute Zero, the cool ice cream for lame people!})