People used to
play Farmville a lot, but apparently they got bored with it, considering
it a waste of time. Well, would they think it was a waste of time if the
objective of the game were to feed the world? Why, they wouldn’t be allowed
to think so then (or else!). So why doesn’t someone make a Farmville-esque
video game where gamers grow food to feed the hungry all throughout the whole
world?
I know this
sounds like a boring game, but each level is harder and harder, with the EPA
regulating for how much dust your soil can kick up in the wind, and regulating
against fertilizers that work well, and with Congress taking away farm
subsidies, and with corporate factory farms trying to muscle in on your
business, and factory farm lobbyists bribing the government to tailor
regulations specifically to put you out of business, and with insect
invasions/plagues and the EPA not allowing you to use pesticides to save your
crops. And normally a gamer might just think this is a red tape nightmare and
stop playing, but you have the responsibility of feeding the world, so you can’t
quit! And then global warming causes droughts, and you can’t grow anything, and
you know it will cause a famine, but the government still will not permit you
to divert water for irrigation purposes because of some teensy little
endangered fish nobody’s ever heard of that is not even consequential in its
own food chain, and if you can’t get the conservationists off your back with an
executive order, millions of people will die a senseless, horrible death!
It’s a lot more
exciting and challenging than you thought, isn’t it? Oh, but that’s not all,
because there’s also a bunch of surprise story lines, like hillbilly cannibal
attacks, and Pagan and Satanic plotlines like from the movies The Wicker Man
and Deadly Blessing and the TV movie Crowhaven Farm, and people
whose cars break down and try to seduce your daughters due to all the “farmer’s
daughter” dirty jokes. It’s never a dull moment! It’s Feed the World,
the video game: coming soon to a gaming store near you! (Or maybe it will pop
up on Twitter to compete with Farmville on Facebook soon.)
