I just saw this new recycling commercial where some plastic bottle is shown rolling across the country as a voice explains that its dream was to see the ocean. Oh, but then, right before the bottle could make it to where it could see the ocean, someone abducted it and threw it into a blue bin where it was held prisoner, after which it was taken against its will to a recycling facility where it was murdered horribly with mutilating, whirling blades and scalding, melting heat (!!). (Oh, the humanity!) And then this commercial has the nerve to act like the poor mutilated plastic bottle, now unwillingly compelled to have its corpse become part of a bench, can finally see the ocean (because this bench overlooks the ocean). But how can it see anything now, seeing as how it's dead?
And while this scenario is a television commercial scripted to melt our hearts and trick us into thinking all recycled materials get to choose what happens to them, we all know the recycling industry never even has the consideration to ask each and every recyclable bottle and such where they would like to go or what they would like to be. No, they simply kill them, and then they lie to us, just like when little kids are told their dead pets have moved to "a farm upstate" where they can run and play. (Plastic bottles aren't the smartest kind of bottles, you know. You might think they could see through this dastardly plot, seeing as how they are see-through themselves, but apparently they don't suspect a thing: they simply fall for it and are all broken up over it later.)
Oh my God: the murderers! How can they do such a thing to innocent bottles? And this ad is just as guilty: when plastic bottles see this commercial, it will trick the bottles into wanting to be recycled, thinking they'll get to retire somewhere beautiful, only to be disillusioned and tortured to death (!!!).
Please, for the bottles who cannot help themselves, protest this brutal treatment for poor plastic bottles!
(Of course, this is all a joke. It's a fun ad, and those bottles are asking for it anyway due to the BPA they're always trying to poison us with, those fiends! {BPA = Bisphenol A}) I see through their plot to infuse us all with their plasticky goodness, turning us all into hybrid bottle-people they can make hold all their liquid for them! It's just lucky our government figured out what those vile bottles were planning for us so they could put a stop to it and to them; but knowing what a country of bleeding-heart hippies we are, they came up with this "recycling" sham to trick us into thinking they're helping the environment, when it's really all to get revenge against these bottles for plotting against us all along! {You know it's true!})
Here's the bottle brutality bit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ynVVgeaFdg
And this longer version shows you just how clever, determined and resourceful plastic bottles can be, demonstrating why it is so important that we stop them before it's too late (It's clear this bottle is full of bitterness and resentment, and has a serious chip on its shoulder against humanity!):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kVkfBHAWM4
