Some children’s book author named Paul Kramer has gone and made everyone have a hissy-fit with a book entitled: Maggie Goes On A Diet. Maybe this sends the wrong message to kids, and maybe it doesn’t, but my problem with this book is that it has a lame, non-catchy title! If the title is that boring, how’s the prose going to be? It’s enough to make you overeat from boredom and depression! If he really wants to sell books, and cause a stir, he really needs to snazzy-up that title!
How’s this for a better title?: Donna’s On A Diet.
See? It rhymes “Donna” with “On A”, and it uses alliteration with “Donna” and “Diet”, thus making it way more catchy and memorable. Seriously: Maggie Goes on A Diet? How lame can you get? He rhymes the text (badly, but still…) inside the book, so why can’t he make the title snappier? What a lame-O!
So to help him exploit children’s insecurities further, and to aid him in the proliferation of eating disorders and the spreading of low self-esteem with regard to body image and such, I’ve developed a collection of snappy new children’s book titles for him to expand upon his initial effort. So here are some titles to go with stories dealing with kids who are fat:
Wendy Has A Weight Problem
Felicity’s Obesity
Fannie Is A Fatty
Larry Is A Lard-Ass
Here are some titles to go with children’s books about the adventures of kids with various eating disorders:
Anne Has Anorexia
Betty Tries Bulimia
Courtney Is A Compulsive Eater
And here are a few titles to go with stories about kids who seek practical solutions to their body image issues:
Lida Gets Lipo (or Lida Gets Liposuction)
Barbara Gets A Boob Job
Connie Gets Collagen Lips
I’m sure all of these snazzy titles will lead to best-selling children’s books that can warp the minds of children everywhere, and create all kinds of neuroses and problems for the youth of today! So get writing, Mr. Kramer! It’s never too early to propagandize body image paranoia!
Here’s the story about the (real) children’s book:
