Have you heard about the lady who tortured her adopted son with hot sauce to get on Dr. Phil? I guess she’s still fighting the Cold War ironically with hot sauce, since the kid is a Russian orphan. (This is not making us look good to Russians! This isn’t the first story about the abuse of Russian orphans, either.) But hey, she wanted to get on the Dr. Phil show, and she knew she’d have to be pretty screwed up to get picked for his slimy show, so can you blame her? It’s really Dr. Phil’s fault for encouraging and rewarding such bad behavior by putting the perpetrators of such shenanigans on television! Maybe he ought to put decent people on TV, and then just mention in passing insulting pejorative commentary the jerks who do crap like this! But whatever, he can do what he likes with his lame show, I guess; after all, it’s a show made for jerks by a jerk!
But you know, maybe this was just a hip new guerilla marketing approach at promoting a new hot sauce: Dr. Phil’s Felony Child Abuse Torture Hot Sauce! You know how all these independent hot sauce companies are always naming their products outrageous things like “Ass Reaper Hot Sauce”, etc., with skull-shaped bottle caps, and Grim Reaper-style capes over the bottles, etc. Perhaps Dr. Phil caught on to this trend, and decided to see if he could out-do these edgy entrepreneurs. Hey, you never know! Stranger things have happened! But if you see a new Dr. Phil brand hot sauce on store shelves soon, you’ll know what happened! (Maybe he could say it burned all the hair off of his bald pate!)
I can see the ads now: “The hot sauce that’s so hot, a woman went to prison for child abuse for serving it to her son! Now that’s a hot saucy sauce!”
Here’s the scalding story:
