On Sunday night, while waiting for Masterpiece Mystery, I saw some nature documentary on PBS called The Fellowship of Whales, about humpback whales. It was narrated by F. Murray Abraham: the guy who killed Mozart (!). We all know he did it because he admitted as much at the end of Amadeus. And I guess the only punishment for him is that he has to narrate whale documentaries. Some justice system!
But does PBS care that he murdered our greatest musical genius? No! They hired him anyway! And I thought PBS cared about the arts! Well, this just goes to show you: if you ever kill some famous cultural figure, go work for PBS. I guess if you just name-drop who you’ve murdered, it will impress them, and they’ll give you a job. It may just be narrating nature stuff, or nagging people for contributions with the lure of a luxurious tote-bag, but you’ll always get away with it if you work for PBS. (Those maniacs!)
And at the end of that whale documentary, a bunch of killer whales kill and eat the baby humpback whale we’ve been following all the way through the show (!). And Salieri doesn’t even do anything to help that poor baby whale; he just sits there and watches and coldly narrates it! Maybe it makes him feel less like a murderer himself, watching others kill, but I’ll bet he’s the guy who called the killer whales and ratted out that baby humpback whale to them in the first place! It was a hit job! I knew it! That’s why he didn’t jump in the water to save the whale! He was probably jealous of it getting all the attention like he was jealous about Mozart in Amadeus! What a jerk!
And PBS subsidized him to kill a baby whale for their ratings! So they’ve got whale blood on their hands too! No wonder Republicans are always mad at PBS! After all the failed Republican attempts to save the whales and the environment, foiled again and again by bloodthirsty PBS, it’s no wonder they want to de-fund them! Am I right?
