I keep hearing about how a “Generic Republican” beats President Obama in the polls over and over again, but that when they poll the actual Republican candidates against the president, Obama beats them all. This is why I think the Republican Party needs to draft a candidate named “Generic Republican”, and they’ll be sure to win the next presidential election! This will end up being a woman, I suppose, with the nickname “Ginny”, or “Jenny”, short for “Generic”. But Michele Bachmann changing her name is cheating!
This is clearly Sarah Palin’s job. Palin has been testing the waters to see if things look like she ought to run. Well, isn’t it obvious that she should, but only after changing her name so that it looks like she’s beating President Obama in the polls? You see, when Americans are polled to see who they like better, Sarah Palin or President Obama, the president always wins. But, oh, when they poll the president against a generic Republican, the generic Republican wins every time! So obviously the thing to do is for Sarah Palin to legally change her name to “Generic Republican”, and to keep it a secret until after the election! So when people see the ballot, they’ll all vote for Generic Republican, right? And then, after the election is over: Surprise! It’s Sarah Palin, er, that is, Generic Republican who is the next president!
Hey, if she wants to win, she’s got no other option! And people seem to want a “Generic Republican”! So it’s perfect for everyone, right? (Unless Newt Gingrich has already figured it out and has changed his name to Generic Republican! Then, if there’s two of them named “Generic Republican”, they’ll split the vote, and Barack Obama will win again!)
