I know the media is making this whole riot situation in England look like a lot of hooliganism and criminality, but I think I know what’s going on here. This probably isn’t a class warfare situation; it’s just that people in England are tired of not having anything decent to eat!
I’ve been to England, and I can tell you, there’s nothing to eat there that tastes any good at all. It’s all yucky! After a few years of that crap in your mouth, anybody would lash out! So when I see all these kids smashing out windows and rampaging through stores, I don’t think they’re trying to steal stuff; they’re just looking for something, anything, good to eat!
But they could have saved their efforts, for there is nothing good to eat in England. All the iPods, iPads, X-Boxes, expensive sneakers, etc., won’t change that. No, if these people want to change things, they’re going to have to swim to France and riot there until they get the French government to surrender to their terms (which won’t be hard). And the terms should be that the French must air-drop over some good food three times a day so they don’t have to hold their noses while they eat anymore in England!
Hey, France has lots and lots of yummy stuff to eat! So maybe they should help anyway!
But you know, this may be a case of intentional contrarianism here. I’ve heard that when Napoleon mandated that all wagons should ride on the right side of the roads, so they could pass more easily, England decided to drive upon the left side, just to be contrary to Napoleon’s wishes. (And that’s why they drive on the wrong side of the road to this very day!) And the food could be an anti-French thing too, when you think about it, right? Because just think about it for a minute: Every country in Europe has great food, except for… That’s right: England! And who was always France’s biggest competitor? Why, it’s England! And since England was conquered by French Normans in 1066, perhaps the Saxons, just to rebel against their conquerors, made a conscious decision not to have anything good to eat anymore while under Norman rule, hoping that would make them go away; and although it ultimately failed as a strategy, as a way of life it just stuck. Hey, I’ve heard of stranger things happening...
(Like, have you ever heard of why the formal Spanish has all the lisping in it? I’ll tell you later. All the Spaniards are looking at us, and I don’t want them to think we’re talking about them.)
