Noosa is a brand of yogurt available at Whole Foods, and it’s the bestest-tasting yogurt I’ve ever had in my whole life! I absolutely love it! But there’s a problem with their packaging: They say it’s “aussie culture, colorado fresh”, and that it’s “from happy cows never treated with rBGH”.
Okay, so first of all, they don’t even have enough respect for Australia or Colorado to capitalize them properly, but they make a point of capitalizing the BGH in rBGH! That’s just rude! (And it proves they love rBGH while they bash it at the same time, so could they be using it secretly?) And then they have the nerve to suggest the dairy part comes from “happy cows”! What? Happy cows from Colorado? No way!
Look, it has been positively established through advertising that “happy cows come from California”! And now they’re trying to say that there are happy cows in Colorado?! My foot, there are! Those fibbing shysters! Are they trying to say those California Milk and California Cheese ads are lying?! The nerve of some people!
Here’s an ad that proves happy cows come from California! (And only from California! That’s why they call it: “Cowlifornia”! And when they say “Moo”, they’re trying to say they want to “Mooove to Cowlifornia!”):
And here’s the ad that shows what a cow from Colorado’s life is like!:
So look, Noosa: I love your yogurt, and I eat it every chance I get (and everyone else should try it too! It’s awesome!), but you really ought to be honest about the ambivalence of the cows in Colorado. An episode of South Park years ago exposed the fact that some of them are so miserable in Colorado that they join religious cults and commit mass suicide! So seriously, if you want us to believe your claims, you really ought to use the truly happy cows from California! Then we’d all know you were telling the truth about the rest of your claims. But when you fib about the moo-mood of your Colorado cows, it makes us question the rest of what you say. And that’s just bad for business.
