Yes, I guess it was only a matter of time before the neighborhood watch caught those pervert stalker van guys and got them put on some sex-offender registry. So now that they’re not allowed to go harass people about their gray hairs anymore, they’ve genetically engineered a dog who can talk and propagandize the benefits of staining your hair in an attempt to trick women into thinking you’re younger than you actually are. And when you think about it in a more crass way, this is a dog who helps his owner get pussy. He even high-fives his owner about it afterwards. They couldn’t have been more specific about this idea if they had had the dog cuddle up to a cat after the owner guy snuggles up to his date on the couch. They don’t do it, but for the thicker guys out there, maybe they should have.
But a dog trying to hook up his owner for dates and sex by getting him to dye his hair: is this really in the dog’s best interest? Think about it: the dog will get walked less, he’ll have to sleep outside (most likely), he might get fed less; what’s in it for this dog? Does he get tired of having his owner going to work all day while he has to hold in his pee? Because getting this guy hitched isn’t necessarily going to help with that. Maybe the woman works just as long, and she’ll insist upon going out to eat and to the theater afterwards every night! Then he’d really burst his bladder! But, oh: this is just the excuse the woman’s been waiting for to get rid of that mangy old dog anyway! Plus, she remembers about how the dog was always trying to get his owner laid before! So she’s not going to trust that dog again! Yes, just as she hoped, the dog went to the bathroom inside the house, and now it’s the pound for him! And she’ll get a cat. Nyah, nyah, dog.
Yes, once the guy gets married, there’s no more need for the dog, you see. The guy only got the dog to begin with to help him meet girls, and his purpose has been fulfilled. And the new wife knows what the dog was for; that’s why she schemed to get rid of him! Oh, if only that dog hadn’t gotten his owner to use Just for Men hair dye! Then he’d still be alive, rather than put to sleep! But hey: at least all dogs go to heaven!
(I can’t find this ad online yet, but you’re sure to see it on TV!)
