Alice Cooper is still going strong after years and years of playing the song: “I’m Eighteen!” The problem is, he’s a lot closer to being eighty than he is to being eighteen. Luckily for Alice, however, the number eighty sounds so close to eighteen, most people probably wouldn’t even notice if he switched the words of the song to say he’s eighty. And even better for this song, when people become eighty, many of them start to become confused and demented, so when he sings about not being sure if he’s a boy or a man, it would still make sense if he says he’s eighty, since an eighty-year-old might have the same issues of identity confusion. So seeing as how this change works so well with the theme of the song, just to be more honest and accurate, maybe Alice ought to consider making the change soon. Then nobody could accuse him of not “keeping it real”! (Plus, maybe music critics, always ones to read things into stuff that isn’t there, could rain laurels upon him for bringing attention to the issues of senior healthcare, Alzheimer’s, end-of-life decisions, assisted living arrangements, etc. And then, best of all, perhaps Alice Cooper could become the spokesman for an old folks’ home or a geriatric HMO ad campaign!)
