If you study hard, stay in school, and stay out of trouble, you can get a job with lots of power, like in government or on Wall Street. Then you can abuse your power and steal millions upon millions of dollars, and when you get arrested, you get to be on TV and become totally famous! Also, you go to jail for way shorter sentences, because all the stolen money will pay for great lawyers, and when you get out of jail, you can write a best-selling tell-all book and become a millionaire all over again, legitimately, like Jack Abramoff! (Sure, it's not as much fun the second time, but you can totally get away with profiting from your earlier crimes, and that makes it even more satisfying!)
So kids: don't let yourself be tempted and lured by the small potatoes of petty criminality; get well-connected, and then you can steal astronomical sums and get treated like royalty! (Just look at the "Honorable" Jon Corzine: he {allegedly} appears to be involved in the fraudulent disappearance of $1.2 Billion, and they still call him "Honorable"!) So like I said kids: stay in school, stay on the straight and narrow for a couple decades, and then you can get away with almost anything! (Oh, you have to be rich, or in government, though. And you'll never get that way unless you wait to commit your crimes until after you get there!)
Here's the shocking story:
