Hey, we all know schools hate Christmas and Santa Claus, right? And they keep trying to punish anyone who likes Christmas, but it never seem to work, except to get them bashed on Fox News. But I think I have an idea that will scare kids away from Christmas for years to come, and make it so they won’t mind when Santa and Christmas trees, etc., are banned from school! And this is what progressives must try to win the “War on Christmas”.
It’s pretty simple, really. School kids see movies in class for educational purposes all the time, right? So all they have to do is show them the horror movies Christmas Evil and Silent Night, Deadly Night when they’re in kindergarten and first grade: these two movies are gory slasher films where the killers wear Santa suits while they murder everyone. Once the kids see this stuff, they’ll be traumatized by Santa Claus, and they’ll want to avoid Christmas at all costs!
So look, schools, when you want to ban Christmas, you’ve got to make the kids support you on it! And there’s no better way to propagandize your anti-Christmas message than to show Santa Claus brutally killing people! It’s the right thing to do, to protect children from the horrible trauma of Christmastime. And to heap the benefits one on top of the other, teachers can then say to the kids: “You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why: Santa Claus is coming to town!!!” (Horror movie music stab, please!) And then they could pull a big knife and a Santa hat out of their desk, and scare the kids silly! (And they can then use that song as a threat anytime any kid is naughty from then on!)
And this tactic may win the “War on Christmas” for the left! (And then they could bring back the Santa sleigh to sign the new treaty in, just to rub it in!)
