New California Laws Promote Shark Attacks

Ah, yes: it wouldn't be fun in the sun in California without some new crazy laws, right? This year, they've got a couple of doozies for you: First off, they're banning shark fins, and you know what that means: The sharks are going to learn that they're completely safe in California waters, so they'll munch on surfers and swimmers like they're going out of style (even though it's just coming into style, thanks to these laws!). (And the sharks will get an appetizer beforehand, since the new law makes it illegal to possess shark fins, but it doesn't specify who, so the police will have to swim out to arrest any sharks they see for having fins, and the sharks will just eat them.) Then, they're banning tanning salons, so if you want to get a tan, you have to go to the beach: and guess what's waiting there for you? Hungry sharks! (Munch, munch!)

It's going to be blood beach out there, I'm telling you! Take my advice and stay pasty!