Thursday, December 15, 2011

Newt’s North Poll Numbers

Yes, as Christmas has drawn near this holiday season, Newt Gingrich’s poll numbers have flown up skyward like a reindeer-drawn sleigh, and there is a clear reason for this. We may not consciously realize it, but Newt becomes more and more popular as we approach Christmas because there is a little child in all of us who sees something in Newt Gingrich our adult selves don’t notice: Newt looks a lot like Santa Claus, and since our little kid selves are afraid he actually might be Santa Claus, we support him more and more as Christmas approaches out of concern that if he actually is Santa Claus and we don’t support him, he might chisel us out of all our Christmas presents.

Yes, realize it or not, Newt Gingrich is a dead ringer for jolly old Saint Nick himself, if only he’d grow a beard. Well, and if he’d put on a suit made of Republican Party-colored material (red), with trim that matches the seasonal snow (white), and a matching hat. And there you’d have it: an instant Santa Claus! And after all, why do you think Republicans are always fiercely defending Christmas? It’s because Santa Claus looks just like a Republican named Newt Gingrich!

But after Christmas, his polls will head south, I’ll bet. And he’ll be exchanged, like so many other unwanted gifts, for something more desirable. (If we’ve managed to save that receipt, that is…) Otherwise, Newt might just give President Obama just what he wants for Christmas: a second term. And then, for Democrats at least, Newt really might end up being Santa Claus after all!