Pandora is the name of a jewelry company that makes these charm bracelets and stuff that I guess are getting kinda popular these days. (Reminds me of add-a-beads, but whatever.) But is Pandora really the best name for a jewelry company? After all, Pandora was the girl who opened the box and released all the evils of the world, so I guess that was apparently a jewelry box? They didn’t say, but I suppose with this company being called Pandora, we can be pretty sure it was.
So, now having established that this is indeed jewelry that comes from Pandora’s box, it becomes obvious what its purpose is: to inspire evil in everyone! So, if you go to look at these bracelet charms, you’ll be “charmed” into wanting them all: GREED! And then when you don’t get them all, you’ll be mad: WRATH! And when you finally do get them all: GLUTTONY!, and your friends see them, they’ll be jealous: ENVY! But you’ll feel good about yourself, at least: PRIDE! And so your friends will try to seduce other boys to get the same jewelry: LUST! And once you’ve all got what you want, you’ll just sit around and admire it: SLOTH!
See? It really is evil! That’s why it’s a good thing Kay Jewelers has ripped this stuff off (with their “Charmed Memories” collection)! Now you can have the same-looking stuff, without any of the evils! (Yeah, right! Why do you think they call them "charmed"? It's black magic!)
