CNN reports more college students are eating less so that they can drink more (and presumably feel the effects of the alcohol more intensely), referring to this as “drunkorexia”. But if this is really happening, and is becoming a trend, then shouldn’t beer and liquor companies advertise the nutritional value of their booze & beer so that drunk college wastoids can make an informed decision about which alcoholic beverage to buy such that they have a balanced diet despite only drinking alcoholic beverages as a source of food intake? It’s just the responsible thing to do! Um, isn’t it?
Hey, how about this: Vitamin Booze! There’s Vitamin Water, so why not Vitamin Booze? It would have a full day’s recommended daily allowance of all the important vitamins and minerals that people need to be healthy, and it would be a hard liquor, where the more you drink, the more healthy benefits you get from all the vitamins and stuff. So the slogan could be: “Binge drinking has never been healthier!” (Hey, the FDA okays all kinds of quack supplements and other dangerous crap, so why wouldn’t they approve a healthy drinking choice like this? Okay, maybe a “healthy” drinking choice.) Plus, it would keep you nice and thin, assuming you never eat any solid food. (And who needs solid food when you have Vitamin Booze?) It’s the only way liquor could really compete with beer as a food, nutritionally speaking.
And speaking of beer, it’s really a lot like a liquid bread that gets you drunk, so it’s got some nutritional value. Perhaps beer companies can advertise about how their product is really like eating solid food and drinking alcohol at the same time, saving you time and effort from cooking and chewing and such. Man cannot live on bread alone, but he sure can live on beer alone! Unless he’s a pansy. (<That should be the slogan for such an ad campaign: “Man cannot live on bread alone, but he sure can live on beer alone! Unless he’s a pansy.”)
I wonder if the government will add liquor as a food group? Then they can add it to the pyramid and peer-pressure college-aged people to drink a certain number of drinks every day or else they’re not getting enough partying, which is dangerous for your health!
This is “drunkorexia”:
