Saturday, March 30, 2013

Unhealthy Affectionate Nicknames

More and more research scientists are coming forward to proclaim the deleterious effects of sugar on humans. This has a big impact upon the way we look at what we eat, but it has an even bigger impact upon how we refer to our loved ones. And the more we understand sugar to be bad for our health, the more inappropriate it will be to refer to sweetness or sources of sweetness in affectionate or positive terms. And pretty soon, calling someone something like: "Sugar", "Honey", "Sweet", "Sweetness", etc., will be considered a vicious and slanderous smear, seeing as how sugar is supposedly so bad for people; and as such, it will be like calling someone: "cancerous", "evil", "deadly", "immoral", etc. And so whenever anyone uses words describing sweetness or sugary flavor to indicate something positive, protesters will have to throw a bucket of high-frusctose corn syrup or honey over their heads as a punishment (or at least shaking up sugary sodas and spraying them with the sticky liquid), embarrassing them and ruining everything they touch with the sticky maliciousness they referenced, and showing everyone who it was who was depraved enough to speak such an expression with the evil intent of equating sugar with goodness or love. (I guess it's a good thing nobody ever used "salty" as an expression of affection, huh? Because salt is supposedly bad for us as well. So at least we won't have to scrub salty talk from our language, as "salty talk" is already understood to be naughty.)