We keep seeing more and more protests in Middle East
countries incorporating tire fires as part of their ambiance. Yes, the
billowing black smoke and red/orange-colored fires are really part of the charm
of these riots, aren’t they? And think of how many tires must be needed for
these fires. I mean, once they’re burned up, you’re going to need more tires
for the next riot or protest, right?
So isn’t this a new market to exploit for tire
manufacturers? When you sell tires for use on cars, they have to meet quality
standards and such, and big time lawsuits can result for product failure.
(Remember the Firestone tires thing years ago?) Oh, but sell your tires for
burning at riots, and it doesn’t even matter if they’d work well on a car! And
once they’re burned, they’re gone, and the protesters will need to buy more.
They wear out way faster this way than they would on a car!
That’s why I think the next big growth industry for tire
companies is to sell tires for burning by protesters in protests and riots. And
naturally, to let people know that your tires are good for such a purpose,
you’re going to have to advertise them! And that means that there will have to
be ads showing how well the tires burn, how thick and black the smoke is, and how
brightly colored the fire that burns them is. Just think of the money they
could make selling tires in bulk straight to protesters! They wouldn’t even
have to be functional tires, but just the defective ones! I’m telling you, this
could be big!
Naturally, with burning tires in a stone age culture,
Firestone Tires would have the edge with such a brand name. But maybe Goodyear
could come up with a slogan to beat them, like, say: “Burning Goodyear Tires
guarantees a good year in your country!”
Maybe they could offer special promotions like free branded
refillable lighters with each purchase of a bulk order of tires. Or maybe a
free can of gasoline or lighter fluid for setting them ablaze? Or maybe offer tires that are pre-soaked in flammable stuff so they ignite with one match, like that brand of charcoal. I’m sure they’ll
think of some kind of super hot deals to get this new market going.
(Hey, how about a band called Tires for Fires? {<It
sounds lie Tears for Fears, only, you know, more violent and pollutiony and
all.} They could write and record protest songs about lighting tires on fire to
protest and overthrow the government and stuff, and these songs could be used to promote burning tires.)
Here’s the news story that made me think of this (But it’s
just the most recent of many, many such episodes…):
