Here we have basketball great Dikembe Mutombo slapping down
all kinds of stuff when people try to toss them into things, like a crumpled
piece of paper into an office trash can, a box of cereal into a supermarket
grocery cart, etc. And then those stupid annoying hippies with their guitar and
mandolin on that county fair stage say: “People who save hundreds of dollars on
car insurance sure are happy!” “Oh yeah, how happy are they?” “Happier than
Dikembe Mutombo blocking shots.”
But let’s look at the facts here: I mean, nothing against
Dikembe Mutombo or anything, but he’s not blocking shots here at all; what he’s
doing here is called “goal-tending”, and that’s a foul. And that’s why I don’t
like basketball. You’d think players would be allowed to actually defend
against shots in a sport, but not in basketball!
Maybe it’s better now than it used to be, but I don’t care
anymore. When I was young, Michael Jordon was playing, and he was great! So my
friends would make me watch basketball because he was so great, which
supposedly made basketball so great, and this is what I saw: One team would get
the ball, and if anyone from the other team tried to stop them from scoring in
any way whatsoever, it was a foul. And then
they’d get to shoot free-throws. And then the other team would get the ball,
and nobody was allowed to play defense in any meaningful way against them, etc.
So it seemed to me that nobody is allowed to block shots in basketball.
Oh, but now there is a TV commercial which basically shows a
basketball version of a soccer player using his hands, and they act like it’s
accurate (!!). No way! If Dikembe Mutombo did this in a basketball game, he
would be called for a foul, and then there would be free-throws, and we all
know it! And that’s why I don’t like basketball. (But this is obviously why
he’s doing it outside of a basketball game but still in his basketball uniform:
finally he can get out all the
aggression from doing all the moves that should be legal in basketball, and
without earning a foul. But because basketball makes no sense, he has to be a
jerk to people out in the general public when they’re not even playing
basketball. And no-one dares call him out for being a jerk either, because they
all understand that it’s the ridiculously unfair rules restricting defensive
play in basketball that has brought him to this sad end of blocking shots of
crumpled-up paper in offices and boxes of cereal in supermarkets. It’s not his fault: it’s basketball’s fault!)
Here’s the shot-blocking spot:
