A single lady sits in her apartment, seemingly satisfied to
be alone, but this stuffed heart nags her into going on a date with some guy
whose profile is supposedly sexy. So she relents, and this is supposed to make
us all want to join Zoosk.
And it might, but this heart character seems kind of creepy
to me. After all, how do we know that this heart isn’t in reality a cursed
disembodied heart cut from a murder victim and brought to conscious life
through the use of black magic by a killer trolling this dating site, and all
so it can trick prospective victims into going out with the killer? Because
then she’d be tricked into dating the killer by the double-crossing heart, and
just as she notices that her date looks nothing like his profile, she becomes
the subject of one of those HLN “Mystery Detective” TV shows (!). (<I’m just
kidding: it’s just because a big blood-red living heart is peer-pressuring
women to go on dates through the Internet that I think it seems creepy, leading to further grim flights of fancy. Or maybe I see too much Jodi Arias trial coverage.)
Yep, to avoid this kind of stuff, you’d better join
Christian Mingle. Oh, but that’s the site with the rapes and stuff. Oops: never
mind! (I’m sure all the other ones are safe, though!)
Here’s the dating site TV spot you can rely on (Come on:
listen to your cursed disembodied heart!):
Wow, Brad looks decidedly worse here than he does on TV! I
wonder: might they have replaced him to avoid criticism for appearing
unrealistic in the looks standard they were advertising? (Or does he just look
better on TV? I heard everyone is hotter if they’re on TV!)
(Now, of course I’m only joking here, and in bad taste to
boot. And in even worse taste, I will
tell you all that you will definitely never be disappointed on a dating website ever, especially not on one with a stupid-sounding name! {Hey, it
strikes me that perhaps the name “Zoosk” is supposed to be an onomatopoeia for
the sound effect that an arrow might make as it shoots through the air and
strikes someone in the heart, like an arrow from Cupid’s bow; or, you know,
maybe like from a serial killer who uses a bow and arrow to kill his victims.)
