In this whimsical spot for FedEx, some guy who says it’s great being your own boss tells the FedEx employee at a FedEx store that his clients really love the FedEx one rate shipping, and so she suggests that maybe a promotion is in order; so the guy takes a step back, agrees with himself, and steps back up to tell her that he got a new title, and when she asks if he got a raise, he says: “Management couldn’t make that happen.”
I thought after he said management couldn’t get him a raise, she should have said: “Well, why don’t you just raid your retirement pension fund for a bonus? That’s what lots of other companies do. Plus, the government is always spending the Social Security money on other things; that’s why it’s insolvent. So go ahead and just give yourself a bonus. Seeing as how you’re the sole employee, it’s not like you’re going to blow the whistle on your own malfeasance, right?” But I forgot that only powerful companies that are “too big to fail”, like financial firms, GM, and the government get to do stuff like that and get away with it. More’s the pity, because they’re generally the ones who don’t actually need the money they’re misappropriating; it seems to me that if someone ought to be allowed to get away with something like that, it ought to be someone who is working hard and barely making ends meet, and they really need it. But no such luck in this absurd, topsy-turvy world we live in.
But you know, maybe she shouldn’t engage this man in conversation anyway: he’s talking to himself as though he’s having a conversation with someone else, so he probably has a split-personality like Norma Bates from Psycho; plus, he looks like that kind of nerdy homebody who would be a crazed psychopath, doesn’t he? Wow; well, in that case, I think he’d better get management to reconsider and make that raise happen for him, or else he may end up flying off the handle and murdering himself! (Yikes!)
Here’s the own bossy spot:
