In watching the Olympics, we see stories about athletes who crash again and again, come in dead last, but come back to their sport, spending years and years working on perfecting their discipline until they can return to the Olympics, and nobody expects anything of them, and against all odds they win the gold medal! And after hearing today about how dangerous figure skating is, it made me think of something…
Yes, how about a horror movie about someone who spends years and years finally earning an Olympic gold medal in figure skating, after years of disastrous performances and injuries and everybody saying they can never win, etc.; and after finally winning, they are interviewed, but instead of the usual: “Wow, I love my sport” stuff, they say: “Finally! After all this misery and sacrifice, I get my Olympic gold medal! Well, you know what? It wasn’t worth it! I want my life back! I’m done with figure skating forever! And if anyone ever asks me about figure skating again, I’ll kill them!”
Oh, but you know the news can’t just leave it like that! Plus, skaters are going to want winning coaches, so people will constantly nag the skater again and again to talk about skating, ask them to coach skaters and teams, etc., until they finally snap. And then they go on a blood-soaked rampage, killing everyone who asks about skating with their skate blades. And, to leave a calling card, the killer always leaves a big pile of sequins and sparkles and dumps a bag of ice on all of their victims.
Hey, you know all the alarmists want to see it! They think skating is dangerous already, so let’s prove it! It’s: Skate Blade: The Figure Skating Slasher Horror Movie!
