As we all know, making someone cry on camera is the news
equivalent to the “money shot” in pornography. And we also know they will do
just about anything to get the tears
to flow during interviews, especially to victims of tragedies and natural
disasters: just keep peppering them with questions, and when you sense a
vulnerability, STRIKE! (And keep
that camera rolling!)
Oh, but this strategy definitely backfired on NBC tonight
when an interviewer backed Bode Miller into a corner about his brother, and it
enraged many viewers (including me; although I’m so used to seeing this rude
tactic, I wasn’t surprised). So now NBC is reportedly reviewing their “make them
cry” policy, and luckily for you, a secret source has leaked their new
suggestions! So here they are:
1.) Take potential interviewees to see a really sad movie,
and surreptitiously film them crying during the movie. Then, when you need the
tears, just comp the crying face from the movie onto the interview.
2.) Tell interviewees their parents have just died in a
plane crash, then film the result, and replace the claim with a leading
question later. (Supposedly 60 Minutes
does something similar to this in their interviews: they tape the interviewers
asking the questions afterwards to
create a narrative and seem more dominant and combative. Or at least, they used
to do that. {I have met two different 60
Minutes subjects who have both confirmed this tactic was used in their
segments. Apparently the interviewer was very nice and polite, and then asked
if they could use the office for a few minutes after the interview for some background
shots. Then, when the interview subjects saw the interview on TV, they said:
“Hey, that’s not how the interview went! What the hell?”})
3.) Have fake police show up and tell interview subjects
their spouses have been kidnapped, and show a fake severed finger as proof.
Film reaction, replace previous fake police stuff with incisive interview
question (as above).
4.) Chop onions underneath the subject’s face during the
interview.
5.) Have Andy Serkis wear a CGI suit and pretend to be the
interview subject, and just fake the whole thing in the computer.
6.) Have a special effects makeup tech on hand to fling fake
tears into the interviewees eyes from off camera to simulate crying at the
appropriate moment.
7.) Just rig up a crying special effects rig on the
interview subject and not tell them what it is. Then, engage the special
effects crying, and cut the interview short before they can rat out your ploy.
Then claim you cut the interview short out of respect.
(Just kidding! I made all that up. The news people will keep
being rude jerks for as long as they can get away with it. And apparently, they want those tears!)
