Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Torin Yater-Wallace: Just Like Everyone Else

In a puff piece during the freestyle skiing halfpipe qualifiers, Torin Yater-Wallace said his life was like everyone else’s: getting in trouble at school, jumping off of stuff.

Yes, getting in trouble at school: that’s just like everyone else! Nerds, too!

Yes, it is a little-known fact that nerds get in trouble at school all the time, but it’s hushed-up because they are supposedly a good example. But man, they get in trouble at school, too: asking tough questions in class that stump and embarrass teachers, reading too many books, and even reading banned books, staying late in the library every night so the librarian never gets to go home to their families, sneaking into the chemistry lab over the weekends to do experiments.

Yeah, all the horror movie stuff, like Frankenstein and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: that’s nerd trouble! And stuff like The Man in the White Suit, threatening the whole clothing industry: nerds! Yeah, when nerds get in trouble, it gets turned into a movie franchise! Remember that flubber stuff? Nerds.

Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh, right, sorry: Torin Yater-Wallace. Yeah, he’s a real troublemaker! But he made it into the Olympics as a result. At least he didn’t get anyone killed with his research into “meddling in things man should leave alone” (as the 1930s horror movies referred to such research)!