The classic milk mustaches are a thing of the past, I’m
afraid, as now the Milk Processing Board is going with the new slogan: “Udderly
Amazing Milk!” (<Along with a close-up picture of a cow’s udders, with the
tagline: “You Know You Want It!”) Oh, wait: that’s not it. I think it’s, um:
“Gimme Some Moo Juice!” (<Along with a picture of someone squeezing a cow
out into a glass, twisting the cow as though it were a wet washcloth, with milk
coming out.) Or it’s something like that, anyway. Okay, no it isn’t.
Look, I know mustaches aren’t as popular as they used to be,
but these were cute ads. But the “Got Milk?” ads weren’t all the mustache ads.
For me the best ones were the billboard ads with the huge peanut butter and
jelly sandwich, or the plate of cookies. Those made me, and everyone I know,
crave milk right there and then. But I guess that’s cheating to make us want it
because it’s yummy, so there’s a new direction: health-related advertising, and
the new tagline: “Milk Life”.
Yes, because ads for health foods are so popular and
successful, milk will use this winning strategy too! Except that I don’t think
it’s really all that successful of an ad strategy to go all healthy on us. I
think that’s more of a lifestyle of shopping at Whole Foods, and not so much
advertising driven. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe there’s a paradigm shift in play here. If so, we
It seems to me that if milk sales are going down, it’s likely
due to soy milk sales going up. And if they want to stop that, maybe they
should sue soy milk, saying it’s not milk, and unless it’s milk, it shouldn’t
get to claim it is, and that soy milk is really soy juice. Then they could use
the Lewis Black comedy routine about soy milk as evidence, or even in anti-soy
milk attack ads. (Attack ads are always the best bet! Smear everyone like in
political ads, and you’ll win everybody’s heart every time! Oh, wait, um; maybe
I’m wrong about this too… {Funny, it always seems to work for politicians.})
(Honestly, this is pretty good for what they’re trying to
do, and it looks nice. But wouldn’t it be more fun to smear soy milk in attack
ads instead? {Or would that make milk seem less wholesome?} If they were gross enough,
maybe kids would refuse to drink soy milk anymore and everyone would have to buy milk again!)
Here’s the rich & creamy story:
