This morning, to assuage the rage of insulted Corinthians fans worldwide, Fareed Zakaria said he wished Corinthians “all the success in the world”. But what would that do to the rest of us? If Corinthinans is allowed to have, as Zakaria wishes for them, literally all the success in the world, it will doom everyone and everything else to failure! How irresponsible and uncaring of him!
What an abject curse Fareed Zakaria has placed upon the rest of the world! What a monster! People are starving, economies are sputtering, unemployed workers are hopeless and jobless, and the world is on the brink of Armageddon; but does he wish, or even hope, for success for anyone else? No! Just because he’s offended a few Corinthians fans, and they’ve insulted his vanity, he’s wishing failure upon all the rest of us!
Well, shame on you, Fareed Zakaria, for wishing all the well-deserved and hard-earned success of everyone else only upon a Brazilian soccer team, and leaving the rest of us out in the cold! Don’t you think Corinthians should have to earn it like everybody else? (Hey, I like Corinthians too, but come on!) Maybe you’ll see the error of your ways when one of their players gets your job, and you’re fired! I’ve heard right-wing pundits claim he hates America, and now I see why: He didn’t even choose an American team! What a traitor!
I only hope there wasn’t a genie listening! Then we’d all be seriously screwed! In fact, maybe that’s what’s really behind this whole worldwide economic collapse: Fareed Zakaria has recklessly made wishes upon some cursed monkey’s paw, and it’s thrown the whole world into catastrophe! That must be what happened, and today he’s thoughtlessly revealed it to the world by accident!
Well, we’re on to you now, Fareed Zakaria! You just got that show on CNN so you could point at other causal factors for stuff, and we’d be distracted from the truth that it’s you and your hasty, ill-conceived wishes that have brought destruction upon us all! Well you can stop the charade now, Mr. Wishmaster! We all wish you’d wish us all back to normal!
