Sometimes soccer matches go on and on without anyone scoring for the whole time and all of extra time. Then they go to penalty kicks to decide who wins. But is this really a good idea? Maybe by doing penalty kicks, they’re failing to remove the real problem in all of this: the goalie and the defense. Goalies are notorious buzz-kills, always trying to rain on everyone’s parade by preventing scoring. It’s no fair! When a game goes on forever with no score, I think they should remove the goalies and play for the extra overtime period. Then if nobody scores, maybe they should remove the defenders (the back line), and then play some more. After that, if there’s still no score, perhaps they should remove the midfielders next, and play some more. Then, if still nobody is able to score, both teams should be credited with a loss in the game, and they should both be dropped out of whatever tournament they’re in. And if it’s the final, then they both lose and are eliminated, and whoever wins the third-place game is declared the champion. How’s that? That would at least motivate them a bit more to score a damn goal!
But this whole idea of watching a soccer game for over two hours with no score is totally frustrating and absolutely pointless! Perhaps it should be termed “Tantric Soccer”, after the term “Tantric Sex”, where (at least as it’s misused by hippies in America) it means sex where there is intentionally no climax, so you can just keep doing it endlessly with no orgasm. That’s kind of like a scoreless soccer game, isn’t it? So I move this type of soccer game be referred to henceforth as “Tantric Soccer”. A good example of Tantric Soccer would be the Brazil vs. Paraguay game in the quarter-final of the 2011 Copa America, where they played scoreless for the whole time plus extra time, until they had to go to penalty kicks to decide the outcome. Brazil still didn’t want it to end, so they missed all of their penalty kicks. But spoiled-sport Paraguay decided they wanted to win, rather than have it go on forever as a wonderfully pointless scoreless game, and they scored a couple of their penalty kicks and won the game. Cheaters: It could have gone on forever as a supreme exercise in futility, and they ruined it for everyone! I guess they don't really love playing the game, just winning. And that's bad sportsmanship, don't you think?
