Wall Street has kind of a bad reputation lately, what with crashing the world economy, putting so many people out of work, gypping everyone available with fraudulent mortgages and investments, and ponziing everyone to bilk as much money as possible so that they can light expensive cigars with thousand-dollar bills all day long. (They might actually be doing it so they can throw handfuls of large-denomination bills up into the air and let it rain down upon them, or so they can spread tons of cash onto a king-size bed and roll around all over it with no clothes on. I’m not sure why they wanted so much money, or loot, as it’s called, since I’m not an investment banker. So I hope I didn’t inadvertently mischaracterize their motives. Maybe they just wanted to steal a lot of money and not get in trouble for it.) But in light of the rather dim view we all have of these Richie Rich-types, I think they need a new face for their industry: a hero to save the day for their public-relations nightmare!
Yes, it’s time for a hedge-fund hero of Wall Street: a benevolent business superhero for the 21st Century! So I give you Largesse: the hero with the “Large $” (Get it: Large S = Largesse, but with the S being a $!) on his chest, flying around the country and dropping wads of cash on the needy and destitute among us! That would give them a good name again, right?
Oh, but then he’d need some super-villains to fight, a bunch of greedy no-good-doers (do-badders?) who suck the cash out of everyone with fees and penalties and fraudulent schemes! So he must fight the triple threat of The Bilker, The Scammer and Pawn Z! These corrupt money-grubbers constantly try to cheat, scam and bilk their way into piles of stolen cash, leaving all in their wake broke and creditless! And they work for one great criminal mastermind, the most evil man in all of the financial-services world!
This evil mastermind is Hugh Briss, the kingpin of conniving, the bilker of benevolence, the slurper of liquidities worldwide! (Not to mention the haver of hubris!) His last name alone is enough to breed terror in the hearts of all men everywhere! (Or, at least in another part of them!) But he’s no match for Largesse! Yes, Largesse is onto Hugh Briss’s evil schemes. And he’ll collect the cur's capital and dispense and disburse the fraudster’s funds Robin Hood-style, filling our pockets with wealth and our lives with warmth!
He'll turn the red arrows to green, lifting investments and markets in a single bound! He'll deflate inflation! He's bending the cost curve and correcting it! He'll crush the credit crunch crisis! He'll fill the coffers with coins! He'll drown the destitute in dollars! It's all in a day's work for Largesse!
Yes, folks, it’s a homegrown hero with a heart of gold (as well as lots of investments in gold as well), and you can take that to the bank! It’s Largesse, come to save the day!
