Saturday, July 30, 2011

Tarzan and the She-Devil

On TCM this morning, there’s a 1950s Tarzan movie on called Tarzan and the She-Devil, and near the beginning, Tarzan and Jane wake up, and Tarzan tells Jane to make him breakfast. Oh, so the woman’s place is the kitchen, eh, Tarzan? What a sexist pig! But, oh, they’re out of eggs, so they both nag Cheeta, their chimpanzee servant, to “go and get some eggs”. So off Cheeta goes, to get some eggs. (I’m surprised Cheeta didn’t squawk and have Tarzan translate that “Cheeta say shopping 'Woman’s work'!”)

Oh, but since he’s always being forced to perform menial tasks for them, and since they didn’t specify what kind of eggs (what kind of eggs would be available in the jungle of “Darkest Africa” anyway?), I think he should bring back a bunch of crocodile and poisonous-snake eggs. That’s what I’d do.

Oh, but did I mention that all this was after Raymond Burr was sidling through the jungle with a bunch of “native” bearers struggling to carry all of his stolen ivory from murdered elephants (!)? (White people: They’re all so evil! Well, except for Tarzan. Oh, and the “native” bearers. Did I mention they were the indigenous white tribe of Africa? Well, okay, only one of many white African tribes, apparently, as we’ll see later on…) Well, it was! And what do you suppose happened to them? Why, they were attacked by a ferocious jungle cat, they were! And it looked just like a piece of stock footage stalking them mercilessly! Oh, but when the fierce beast struck, it did so in a most agreeable way, for rather than attacking with teeth and claws bared, it looked rather like a stuffed animal being thrown at a guy who fell over when it hit him. And the arms and legs were all completely outstretched, and they all curled backwards as it sailed through the air, sort of like a droopy, animal-print, letter-“X”-shaped pillow being shot out of a giant slingshot. (That’s probably how they did it!)

But never fear, for Raymond Burr callously kills the hapless endangered animal, and all is well with the world of poachers and white-slavers again! Oh, did I mention that there’s a bunch of white-slavers? Well, guys trying to enslave white people, anyway. That’s probably what it used to mean, back when evil Raymond Burr-types were always trying to capture all the white tribesmen of Darkest Africa. Or was that Lightest Africa? Oh, I don’t know.

So anyway, like I was saying, a bunch of white dudes dressed-up like Tarzan (in animal-skin loincloths) get abducted by these slaver jerks, and then all their wives, dressed like Jane, come nagging Tarzan to go and save them. So he agrees, and off he goes. So the next thing you know, we’re in the camp of the nefarious malefactors, and Tarzan has to fight some big dude to free these helpless Tarzan look-alikes/wannabes. It’s scary, since the big dude is cheating by using a knife, but never fear (again), as no man can defeat Tarzan (not even a big carnival-strongman guy with a bad, fake-looking bald cap)! So Tarzan kicks his butt, and the boss (the She-Devil of the title) decides she simply must have Tarzan as her own personal pet slave guy or something (as usual).

And this was all in the first 20 minutes of the movie! And it only gets more action-packed and ridiculous from there! Wow! The guy who introduced the movie said the series had “jumped the shark” by this time, but I don’t know about that. It’s not as good as the early ones: that’s true. But it’s certainly got a lot going on, and tons of camp value! And it’s not boring, whatever you think of it! And with all this silly stuff going on, all kinds of questions emerge, like does Tarzan use an Epilady to stay so hairless, or does he do a Brazilian wax on his whole body? Oh, who can say? Perhaps this is one of the impenetrable mysteries of the jungle! (Like why they would call a chimp: “Cheeta”.)

Here’s the IMDB page for Tarzan and the She-Devil: