(Okay, this is a joke ad, so please don’t think I’m being completely serious here! But it would probably work to sell tampons to Sci-Fi nerdettes, I’ll bet! But they'd have to be brave enough to try it.)
I had forgotten all about o.b. Tampons (I think they are lower-case in their logo, right?), but I just recently (inadvertently) saw one in someone’s purse, and it reminded me about them. So, has anyone noticed that o.b. sounds like "Obi", as in Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars? And what with the huge Star Wars mania that’s been gripping our nation, it’s hard to believe nobody has tried to do a tampon tie-in! It would be so easy, too! And then all the tween Sci-Fi fans and Comicon attendees will become brainwashed into being lifelong o.b. customers! (Until Tampax co-brands with Star Trek to ask: “Are you a Tampax Trekkie?” er, sorry: “Trekker”!)
So here’s how this Star Wars o.b. Tampon commercial would work: After rescuing Princess Leia from the Death Star, they’re flying through space in the Millenium Falcon, and she realizes that she’s beginning her period. Well, since she didn’t have time to pack, and since she didn’t know they were coming to rescue her, and because she was waiting to be executed, she didn’t have any tampons with her! (The Empire didn’t want to waste any money on them, since she wasn’t going to live long enough to use them anyway. Oh, plus: the whole space station is occupied exclusively by men, so they didn’t have any anyway. And since they would have had to fly light-years to get some, it was easier just to move up the execution, I think.) So she’s wearing all white, and she’s worried about what a mess it would make, and how embarrassing it would be if her period started right there! Plus, since the Millenium Falcon is owned and piloted by Han Solo, he doesn’t even have any toilet paper on board (cheap-ass bastard slob!), so there’s nothing she can do!
Oh, but never fear, for Obi-Wan Kenobi has felt a disturbance in the force, and he knows all about it! So he speaks with her privately, and she admits she needs some tampons. And Obi-Wan informs her that it’s her lucky day, since not only is he Obi-Wan Kenobi, but he’s also o.b.-Wand Kenobi (since his light-saber doubles as an o.b. Tampon dispenser: the “o.b. Wand”!); and he pulls out his light-saber, and when he turns it on, it dispenses o.b. Tampons! So they all live happily ever after, at least as far as that’s concerned! Oh, but he didn’t survive the Death Star, did he? Well, they’re just going to have to change the movie! Hey: They did it before to add other stupid crap that’s worse than this, so I’m sure they’d be willing to do it. (Otherwise, they’re misogynists!)
Okay, so maybe that one didn’t work out perfectly, but that’s just because George Lucas murdered Obi-Wan Kenobi, and just so that Princess Leia would have that embarrassing problem on board the space ship! What a jerk! But you know what would work? That’s right: Star Wars: The Clone Wars!
So what happens in this one is that Ahsoka Tano is off on some mission with Obi-Wan Kenobi, but because of her being distracted by a disturbance in the force or whatever, she forgot to bring her tampons. Or maybe the mission is much longer than they thought, chasing someone all over the galaxy or something, so she didn’t think she’d need to bring any. Or perhaps Count Dooku used the force to make her period start early in order that he might gain a tactical advantage or whatever: who knows. In any case, she’s off fighting some battle far from home when her period starts, and she doesn’t have any tampons with her for whatever reason. So she tells Obi-Wan Kenobi about her dilemma, and he whips out his light saber and turns on the tampon-dispenser feature on it, and she takes the o.b. Tampons she needs, and they go on to win the battle and restore peace and order to the universe once again! And all because of o.b. Tampons! Yay! o.b. Tampons saves the day again! (And then they say that o.b. Tampons will save the day for you, too!)
See? Wouldn’t that work well as an ad campaign?
(And I know that o.b. Tampons have no applicator, but if they made a special edition tampon with an applicator that looked like a light saber handle, and the tampon came out of it like a light saber, I'll bet it would become a collector's item!)
Here is info on who Aksoka Tano is, in case you were wondering:
