Los Angeles is no fun anymore! First, we’re not allowed to blow smoke in people’s faces while they’re eating at restaurants, and now we’re not even allowed to throw stuff at cyclists and run them off the road anymore either! What’s the world coming to? I’m telling you, there’s going to be a mass exodus out of the city soon, and LA will become a ghost town, filled with tumbleweeds and rusty bike frames! We’re all going to go where we’re allowed to harass people legally, like everyone’s permitted to do in a cultured society.
Seriously, the cyclists will be outraged over this brutal law as well, let me tell you! It’s obvious that they want to be harassed, or else they wouldn’t be wearing that skin-tight lame-patterned spandex and those stupid-looking helmets anyway! So even they will have to move somewhere else too! You don’t think they’ll stay where they’re not appreciated, now do you? Of course they won’t!
Oh, but some of you might suggest that they only wear those dumb-looking helmets because the law says they have to. But who do you suppose pushed for such a law? They did! You see, nobody was throwing stuff at them or trying to run them off the road, and they weren’t even being verbally abused, either! So they felt worthless! I mean, what’s the point of riding a bike if you can’t be scorned and maligned while you’re doing it?
Bicyclists aren’t just physical masochists, they’re psychological ones as well, constantly requiring negative reinforcement to feel validated. So they demanded the laws requiring them to wear those dumb-looking helmets so they’d finally get noticed! I mean, why else would they wear them? They don’t work. Plus, an experienced bicyclist would never wreck on a bike unless a car ran them off the road, which they never did until the bike-riders had to wear the silly helmets! So it’s obvious!
Yes, I’m afraid LA’s a dying city now, thanks to meddling hippie policies like protecting bicyclists. Now they’ve just gone and ruined it for everyone!
Here’s the story:
