Here is the print ad I’m talking about:
So this is a nice-looking graphic image that reminded me of a strip of movie film at first; but then it became clear to me what it was: a train car with briefcases as windows, and arms holding them down over the side of the train car. So while this picture is a neato-looking graphic image, it has a few problems. You see, when you think about it, it looks like there are a bunch of businessmen on the roof of the train, basically stowing away on the roof drifter-style. And then they’re lying down on the roof (I suppose to avoid having their heads taken off by tunnels and such), and they’re dangling their briefcases over the sides and blocking the view of the legitimate, paying passengers! What jerks! They’re obviously rich businessmen, and they’re still chiseling the train company and spoiling the viewing pleasure of those who actually paid for a ticket! And the train company is just letting them do it! No wonder Amtrak is going broke! And no wonder there are rising fears about terrorist plots on trains! When it’s clear the trains just let whoever ride on the roof for free without anyone saying or doing anything about it, of course it will invite exploitation by nefarious do-badders! And if these train-trespasser business commuters aren’t even nice enough to let people look out their windows while riding the trains, how can we trust them to protect us from terrorists?
And I was going to say that IBM was helping to propagate this commuter riding scam, but actually, they’re exposing this problem in their print ads! So we should thank them! But do it quietly, because we don’t want to get them in trouble with the train companies who are allowing this stuff, the thieving roof-riders who are chiseling the trains, the terror plotters who are planning to exploit this system, and the police agencies who ought to be detecting and solving these problems! So thanks IBM! I know your ad says it’s about making the trains run on time (like Mussolini did; oh, could IBM stand for: “I Be Mussolini?”), but we all know you’re exposing a dangerous security risk and corrupt commuter carpool practice!
But wait a minute: The headline of this ad says this: “New Trains Keep Passengers on Track”. But didn’t old trains keep passengers on track too? After all, even the old trains rode on tracks, even years before IBM even existed, and so they would also have kept passengers on track, right? So is IBM dishonestly attempting to claim credit for something all trains already do anyway? That seems pretty slippery to me! Unless they’re doing what I mentioned above. Or unless they mean that they’re keeping the passengers on the tracks against their will, tying them down to the tracks like an old silent serial villain, waiting for them to be run over by the train when it comes by! So then they’re murderers! I knew it! Help! Help! They’re tying me to the tracks! Aaaaa!
