Hey, how about a comic book series where government officials are portrayed as superheroes, just as a way of convincing suspicious members of the public that they’re good guys with our best interests at heart? Eric Holder is the Attorney General, and he’s been found in contempt of Congress, so how about helping to repair his image with his heroic adventures? Here’s how this might work:
The comic book would introduce our heroic Attorney General Holder as such:
“Our nation is deeply divided, with factions at each others’ throats, threatening to destroy us all! Criminals are running riot over society! Who can uphold the law? Who can hold our nation’s principles above the fray? Who holds the fate of our nation in his heroic hands? It’s The Holder! (The Holder is the secret super-heroic identity of mild-mannered Justice Department head and US Attorney General Eric Holder. He’ll hold this nation together! He holds our security in his just and mighty grip! He holds the reins of power and the balance of justice in his mighty hands! And for all he does, we hold him in high esteem!)”
Then, in one of his adventure stories, he can be playing a high-stakes game of poker (like James Bond), and as others fold, he holds! Oh, but not for long, because just when he thinks it will be a quiet evening, he gets a secret message from the Justice Department (They’re like the Justice League, but they don’t wear tights as much.) telling him of a threat against righteousness (!). So now he has to go fight crime as The Holder, but not before his powers of tight-lipped poker-face-ity (what he used to get the contempt of Congress thing: he was just holding his tongue and holding his cards close to his vest!) break his opponents and win him the big bucks (which he then chips in to pay down America’s debt! {Um, right?}), after which he quotes Kenny Rogers’s “The Gambler”, telling the card sharks he just cleaned-out: “You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em!” And then he’s off!
And who would dare to defy, nay, declare war upon a hero who holds so much power in his mighty hands? Why, it’s none other than the super villain The Releaser!
Yes, it’s The Releaser, arch-nemesis of our hero The Holder, and dastardly enemy of the American Way and all that is good in this world! He seeks to release chaos and injustice into the world! He wants to release poison into society! He’s trying to release the most dangerous murderers and violent terrorists from prison and into our unsuspecting cities and towns! He aims to release dangerous narcotics into our schools! And, worst of all, he plans to release classified documents about the Obama Administration’s deepest, darkest secrets! (And, naturally, he also threatens to release all documents pertaining to “Operation Fast and Furious” un-redacted, just in an attempt to attack and discredit The Holder! {That fiend, threatening Our Hero like this! How dare he?})
Can The Holder hold this nation against the fury released by The Releaser? Demand the comic book series and find out! (The answer is: yes, he probably can. After all, who’s better to fight an agent of injustice than the head of The Justice Department? And who better to rein in all the evils released upon the world and hold them at bay? Why, it’s none other than: The Holder!)
