Well, there's a new Star Trek movie coming out any day now, and Star Wars is going to get three more movies apparently, now that Disney has bought the rights. But after that: what then? Well, I know exactly what to do that will bring out all the nerds in the whole world to spend whatever over-inflated price Hollywood wants to charge: combine Star Trek and Star Wars for a series of movies! What self-respecting sci-fi nerd wouldn't want to see that? And naturally, no matter what they did with it, all the nerds would complain about it on all their lame blogs (like this one right here), but that would simply spread the word about the movies and provide the series with free advertising! And no matter how much they hated it, they'd all go see them all anyway: they always do!
But, how would these two huge classic groundbreaking series come together for a realistic, let's say, trilogy? Well, for me, it's simple: you use logic to determine how it might work. (Mr. Spock taught me this technique.) So here's what I think would make them most sense:
The Starship Enterprise (from Star Trek) gets sucked through a space-time vortex, sending them through time and space, and they find that they have traveled back to (you guessed it) a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. So they enter the Star Wars galaxy right around the time of Star Wars IV: A New Hope, and they are spotted by the rebels, who, seeing their extremely large and spectacular starship, naturally assume the ship is one of the Empire's new star destroyers, so they attack the USS Enterprise. Well, these scamps are no match for the USS Enterprise, so they get blown up or chased away, leading the crew of the Enterprise to assume these rebels are terrorists and such. So they seek out the legitimate government of the star system, which is the Empire, and Captain Kirk makes friends with Darth Vader, who teaches him to use The Force to his advantage. Well, naturally, Captain Kirk becomes seduced by the dark side faster than he would be by a green alien dancing Orion slave girl, and he becomes that eyeliner-wearing evil Captain Kirk from the original Star Trek episode: Mirror, Mirror, whereupon he immediately orders everyone on the Enterprise to grow a goatee and carry jeweled daggers and such. (And this explains where the alternate universe is that the evil Kirk comes from. See? It all ties in nicely.) And then the Enterprise helps Darth Vader destroy the rebellion and the remnants of the Jedi Knights, finally pulling the galaxy into balance, as foretold by Yoda's prophecy. (It wasn't Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker who was in the prophecy, it was Captain Kirk! {At least, it became him once he popped through that time warp!})
Then, in Episode 2, Darth Vader could help establish The Federation of Planets with evil Captain Kirk, using the Empire's strong-arm tactics, and that would be the real, true origin of The Federation. Then they could fly around the universe in an army of Enterprise knock-offs and death stars, threatening everyone else into joining. Oh, but one planet system doesn't like this, because their entire philosophy is based upon fighting: the Klingons (!). So then we could have a big war with the Klingons (which shows how all these hostilities really started), and then it would turn out that the Klingon leader is also Darth Vader's son, due to some one-night-stand hook-up Darth Vader did years ago when he was still Anakin Skywalker, and he was all mad at Queen Amidala for something, so he cheated on her. And then it turns out that wherever The Federation encounters resistance, whether from the Romulans, the Borg, Q, etc., it's always because it's another illegitimate child of Darth Vader, who, as it turns out, has been a real galactic whore (He even had the Borg Queen! Or was that one Captain Kirk?), and all of his offspring escaped the Star Wars galaxy to go settle somewhere else, far, far away from the oppression of the Empire, setting up a new militant culture to counter it. And that's why there's so much hostility and militancy in the universe: Darth Vader made it all happen with his ravenous lust and evil, and evil Captain Kirk helped him, with his equally lusty appetites and warp-drive starship technology!
And then, in Episode 3, it turns out that the space-time continuum anomaly didn't suck the USS Enterprise through at all, but merely created a duplicate of it (!!), but with everything morally compromised (!!!). And so the Mirror, Mirror universe isn't an alternate reality at all, but merely a different point in space-time created by some astrophysical anomaly, and so all of the enemies in the Star Trek "universe" (the fictional series, that is) are still in the same physical universe as the Star Wars one, but millennia apart, and initially created back then to counter the Empire's Federation of Planets, the true origin of which is being secretly covered up by the Sith in the time of Star Trek (because the Sith can live really long using The Force, so long as they don't get burned up on a volcanic planet or something). And then the real, nice guy hero Captain Kirk has to find a way to reverse the polarity and use warped dilithium crystals to distort space-time to stop his alter-ego from ever meeting Darth Vader and becoming seduced by the dark side, and remove the secret evil origins of The Federation of Planets once and for all!
Now seriously: wouldn't you pay to see that? I would, even if I hadn't come up with it! And naturally, it would be called Star Wars Trek, because the Star Trek Enterprise would be making a "trek" to the Star Wars galaxy, resulting in the Star Wars Empire going on their own "star trek" with the Star Trek Enterprise crew! (See? It couldn't be simpler!)
And then, if that's popular and successful, for the next Star Trek movie offshoot series, the Enterprise could get sucked through another time warp (but compromised immoraly, so they'd all be super-square good guys!) and arrive at planet Krypton, to get a whole crew of Supermans! Or else maybe a false alarm about Krypton's destruction (like the recent so-called "Mayan Apocalypse" here on Earth) could lead to an ancestor of Kal-El being sent off in a panic to the Star Wars galaxy, and then he could be their Superman, leading the rebels to conquering and destroying the Empire! And then he would be the prophecy guy about balancing The Force (especially appropriate with all "the force" Superman would have it his disposal!), rather than Luke Skywalker.
But I still think, especially since Disney now owns Star Wars and the Marvel Comics characters, that there really ought to be a buddy movie with Darth Vader and Dr. Doom! After all, they're both evil guys who wear armor and capes: what could be more perfect? They could team up to defeat the rebels in Star Wars, and then they could team up to destroy The Fantastic Four! Or how about Darth Sidious having a buddy movie with Galactus, where they're rivals of sorts, trying to see who can destroy the most planets and peer-pressuring each other into trying to outdo the other. So Darth Sidious would fly around in the Death Star destroying planets, and Galactus would go around consuming other planets, and then they would get together and brag about who killed more worlds, and then maybe they'd get into a fight near the end over not believing each other's claims, and so Darth Sidious would shoot the planet-killing Death Star beam at Galactus, only to find that it makes Galactus even stronger! So this mends their friendship, and now they go around together destroying whole solar systems for fun, and whenever Galactus gets weak, Darth Sidious can shoot him with the Death Star beam and make him super-strong again! (What more could you ask for? Maybe a collossal space version of Horton from Horton Hears a Who trying to dissuade them from killing world full of unseen civilizations?)
