HLN’s coverage of the Jodi Arias trial has included a lot of
so-called experts to testify to her state of mind, or whether the attack could
be self-defense like she claims, why she stabbed him so many times, etc. But
none of the experts really knows what they’re talking about. I mean, how many
people have they killed? And even if
they had, would they stab someone that many times? HLN really ought to get some
experts who know about this kind of thing.
That’s why I think HLN should hire Jason from the Friday
the 13th movies, Michael Myers from the Halloween movies, Leatherface from The Texas Chain
Saw Massacre, Norman Bates from Psycho, etc., as the experts here. Those guys would totally know
about killing people with knives and such! And they could inject their
firsthand experience into this case to determine if this was a brutal murder or
not. And maybe one would say stuff like: “I kill lots of sexed-up teenagers with knives,
but I mean, whoa! Even I’ve never
been this brutal! I wouldn’t mess
with that girl! She must be the
‘Final Girl’!” And maybe another one would say (pointing to an autopsy photo): “Yes, just as I thought. Do you see that wound
there? Yeah, that’s the kind of stab wound I try to make to really go not only
for the kill, but to really scare all the other naughty teenagers I’m targeting so they get completely terrified and sloppy and are easier to catch.
That’s totally what you want to do as the killer in a slasher movie. She should
have gone into horror movies, man, she would have been a star! Hey, is she single?”
